My partner and I have been using Agape fairly regularly for the past few months. I wanted to use it for a sustained period of time before writing a review so that I could see the longer-term effects of using it on our relationship. Overall we have found it helpful for starting conversations on topics that may not always naturally come up and as another avenue to show our appreciation for one another.
As background, I have been with my partner for just over a year, so it is a fairly new relationship. However, we have lived together this entire time (we met in a houseshare) and have gone through more than our fair share of trials and tribulations in that time. So, our relationship is young but feels very strong and stable. Agape has not created this strength but has helped grow our emotional bond and opened us both up in really lovely ways.
The company
Kadie Okwudili, the Founder & Chief Executive Officer of Agape used tech a lot – including using a dating app to find her partner – and wanted an app that could help nurture her new relationship. When she couldn’t find one, she created one.
They currently do not have anything on their blog. The company was founded in 2018, so I hope that in time they will back up their app model with blog posts explaining the science as well as general relationship wellness posts, but so far, this does not appear to be the case.
According to Agape, 97% of their users report Agape positively affecting their relationships. It has 4.8 stars from 5k+ reviews and 100k+ downloads on Google Play, and 4.8 stars on the App Store from 16.4k reviews. Users seem to be positive about the app and its impact on their relationships.
How does it work?
Every day, you get sent a personalised question designed to start a meaningful conversation. It can be a funny question or something a bit deeper, but all are designed to help you to connect with your partner and learn more about one another.
You cannot see your partner’s response until you have also responded. After that, each question basically functions as a chat so you can react and respond to one another’s initial answers. I think this is quite a good feature as your partner’s answer can’t influence your initial answer – you both have your own individual responses and then can talk about those.
There is a wide range of themes with thousands of different questions. You can see which theme a question is under at the top of the screen. They use a machine learning algorithm to personalise the questions over time – I expect this works better if you are using the premium version of the app since you can skip questions. You can also opt in or out of certain themes and, through the question library, choose a category or series to get questions from.
Example of Question Library and questions from a series vs. category
Some other features of Agape are that you can nudge your partner to respond (I’m well practised at this), you can add memories and leave love notes. The main difference between memories and love notes is that memories include adding an image and date.
The wellness check takes you to a Typeform, where you can complete either a brief or comprehensive check. It asks questions such as ‘In the past week, how rewarding was your relationship with your partner?’ This is supposedly to compare your answers week on week, but it feels more like a data collection exercise on behalf of the app company. To manually compare each answer would be a fairly long task and one I doubt most people would be willing to do. So far, for me, this feature has been redundant.
The company is US-based, so questions will sometimes include $, and the app uses American English. This isn’t a big problem, but it would be nice if they could adjust the details like this according to the country you live in. Further, their website mentions collecting points for using the app and associated prizes. This is not a feature on the app, so I am not sure if this is for the US version or just an outdated or inaccurate section of their website. I do feel that collecting points as you use the app could be motivating and could also help to build it into a regular habit, so I would welcome it as a feature if they did add it in the future. The app does include ‘streaks’ so it keeps track of how many days in a row you have used it and also shows the number of conversations you’ve had and memories you’ve added. This is quite a nice feature to see how much you’ve engaged with the app, but it doesn’t affect the way I use the app at all.
The main page and the profile page
When we first started using the app, one of my main criticisms was that you could only add one partner. This feels like a mono-normative feature of the app that would shut out anyone in a polyam/non-monogamous relationship from utilising it. However, in the time it has taken me to write this blog, Agape has introduced a new feature in which you can add other people, such as family and friends. I am not sure if this allows you to add more than one partner, but it feels like a step in that direction, even if they are not quite there yet! I do like the fact that you could add friends and family to the app and have questions to improve your platonic relationships. Romantic relationships tend to be touted as the most important relationships, so platonic relationships tend to be overlooked. Agape adding this feature is a good acknowledgement of the importance of all types of relationships.
How we have found it
This app is certainly not couples therapy, nor does it claim to be. It does, however, help with relationship building and fostering closeness. It is useful because the questions are coming from an app so are neutral. There is no assumed ulterior motive behind them, which I find tends to reduce the possibility of defensiveness. Further, it has made it easier for us to come up with questions for each other in day-to-day life. For example, I recently asked my partner, ‘What are three things that have improved in the past year?’ which led to a really lovely chat where we both talked about good things in our lives (including each other) and what we are doing better at. I am not sure that without using Agape, we would start conversations like that as often or be as open to them.
My partner tends to take a more considered approach when we talk, whereas I say what I think as I think it. I think Agape is a perfect way to give him the time and space to articulate what he wants to say – without me chatting away. It also pushes me to take a little more time choosing my words and making sure what I am saying is exactly what I mean. It feels like a more even conversation than what may sometimes occur, which is great for us, especially when discussing emotional or important topics.
Premium costs £47.99 for one year for two people. Premium for life costs £94.99. I bought premium for one year. Although it feels like a steep price, there is no other app that is truly comparable, and as a couple, we have found it really helpful. I feel that Agape has definitely started some meaningful conversations that we may not have otherwise had.
I asked my partner how he felt Agape had affected our relationship, and he thought that it does help spark conversation between us and helps us learn things about each other that we may not otherwise think to ask one another. He also mentioned that some of the questions are hard, but they are mostly good. I agree with this; some of the questions can be a little difficult, but you can skip or ignore them easily if they are topics you are not yet ready or willing to discuss. Overall, it has encouraged open and honest communication and has had only a positive effect on our relationship.
Of course, it is not the app really improving our relationship. It is our willingness to explore different topics and give each other honest answers. Agape will certainly not fix your relationship, but it could give a helping hand in opening up and finding out more about your significant other.
Some other similar apps that I found but have not yet tried include:
Flamme
Happy couple
Paired
Couply
Official
If you have tried any of these and found them helpful, let me know! So far, based on our experience, I would recommend Agape to couples seeking more ways to check in and connect, but I would be interested in anyone else’s experiences with couples apps.
If you’d like to read more about Agape, check out the following resources:
Ronald Rogge, PhD – Chief Research Officer’s feature in People Magazine
They are on TikTok, Instagram and Twitter. If you want to find out more, this is their website: https://www.getdailyagape.com/
You can download Agape on The App Store and Google Play.
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