How do you ask for help?
Welcome to our June Newsletter. I hope this email finds you well.
However, if you are not feeling well, I do hope you are able to seek and receive support. I am reflecting on the notion of asking, receiving and accepting help a lot this month. As helping practitioners, we need to ensure that our bucket is full enough to support others. Traditionally, it was assumed that a therapist is a blank page and should switch off all emotion, not to take it in. These days, with theories of co-regulation (like, for example, polyvagal framework) validating the ancient, collective, relational methods of healing, we have the Western scientific evidence that blank page is simply a myth. When we listen to another person, we do feel with them: our entire nervous system reacts to the story of pain or joy, and thus, our body resonates with it. We carry each other’s stories.
We also need to learn to put them down, digest them and let go of elements that don’t serve us. There are dedicated frameworks for this, such as trauma stewardship and processes within each industry. In the UK, in the counselling profession, we are expected to be under supervision, and it is strongly recommended that we be in personal therapy, too. This way, we can stand on three steady legs: our personal competence and experience, supervisory support to deepen our work and keep our clients safe and personal therapy to address and digest triggers and personal issues emerging from our work. Being a helper does change us, and this change needs to be held and supported by people who came before us so that we can practice safety.
Over the years, I had the enormous privilege of working with incredible personal therapists (I do not compromise there) and supervisors. People who shared their experience and skills but also cared for my clients and me ever so deeply. I was held and supported through incredible life challenges and grew in the process. Reflecting on this, I cannot help but wonder: why do some practitioners cut corners on this support? Why is this professional support not in their business plan? Ultimately, the investment absolutely pays off – both for the clients and for the practitioner.
Why do we find it so difficult to ask for help? Do we feel less deserving of it? Is this the systemic conditioning (“just wait six weeks and if it still hurts, come back”- story)? Is it generational or cultural to “just get on with it”? Is it risky to ask for help and feel rejected, refused, or abandoned?
Maybe. However, if we look on the other side, we might notice the cost of our silence. Let’s start thinking about the richness and benefits of the support. What if we reframe the question to: “What do we miss out on if we don’t seek help?” In my personal and professional experience, we miss out on lifetimes of experience, togetherness, kindness and joy, too.
This month I encourage you to reflect on your process of seeking or ignoring your need for help and, if you do ask for it, how is that process for you? Do you wait for help? Do you ask for it? Do you expect it? What are the costs of not getting it and the benefits of receiving it?
At Voxel Hub, we are working softly on a new version of our website, which will offer clear service packages. I have updated the range of my services through a lot of professional development recently, so I will be offering Geek, Nature and PSTD support on top of the usual liberation psychology counselling and coaching. With enough private practice experience, I am now able to formalise our offering into carefully packaged offerings, although – as always – I remain incredibly flexible to meet our clients’ needs. That’s coming soon!
The Geek Therapeutics book on the Psychology of the Witcher will be launching soon as a crowdfunding project, so the essay I have contributed will be in print soon. Stay tuned!
I wish you all a good, restful month!
My favourite topic this month
This month, I am returning to inspiring stories:
- Emergence Magazine (check out their amazing documentary of Sam Lee’s work)
- The Marginalian
- Anti-Racism Daily
- “I am Greta” documentary
- “Where Olives Trees Weep” documentary and series of talks
If you have any recommendations on the topic, please let me know! Thank you!
Resources & Offerings
We are still pacing ourselves in regard to events, so here is a gentle reminder of how to ask for help if you need counselling. Check out our free guide to counselling and free guide to counselling preferences.
Thank you for reading our Newsletter. Talk to us online, check out our blog and let us know what else you want to see here in the upcoming months.
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Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
